A Beautiful Mess is one of my favourite songs by Jason Mraz because the message is one that I need to constantly remind myself of, that I am still lovely even though my life feels like a mess. In gratitude of his beautiful music and lyrics, I'm naming this poem in honour of his song.
A Beautiful Mess
How a mess can be beautiful
is beyond me.
All I feel is broken
like a mirror shattered
in a million pieces
on the floor.
Parts of me are lost for good
while others are cobbled
into a new mosaic.
I will never be as I was
and some will grieve over this.
But I am finally learning
to embrace myself,
scars and all.
It's liberating to just be
and drop the expectations
on the floor.
They hit the ground
silent,
because they never existed
at all.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
optimist evolution
I was talking with a friend about the possibility of starting a group about positive living last year, and she ended up spearheading the idea by organizing a meetup at a downtown Starbucks for this afternoon. She ended up not being able to make it due to health issues, so I decided to go on her behalf and so people won't feel like they've been stood up.
No one showed up in the end, except for a good friend who lives downtown that I haven't seen in a while. It was nice to spend time with him, and after we parted, I randomly encountered a 50% sale at a cool shop that sold ethnic gifts and scored some great deals. I also wanted to browse through birthday cards and lo and behold, when I walked into Carleton Cards at Eaton Centre, they were going out of business and all greeting cards were 5 for $5!
I feel like experiences like the ones above confirm my hypothesis that love rules this universe, and is on our side. Even though I could've felt bummed out by what happened, love dropped gifts along the way this afternoon that made my day a heavenly one, and I am thankful.
No one showed up in the end, except for a good friend who lives downtown that I haven't seen in a while. It was nice to spend time with him, and after we parted, I randomly encountered a 50% sale at a cool shop that sold ethnic gifts and scored some great deals. I also wanted to browse through birthday cards and lo and behold, when I walked into Carleton Cards at Eaton Centre, they were going out of business and all greeting cards were 5 for $5!
I feel like experiences like the ones above confirm my hypothesis that love rules this universe, and is on our side. Even though I could've felt bummed out by what happened, love dropped gifts along the way this afternoon that made my day a heavenly one, and I am thankful.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
January Rain
January Rain
It's the 24th of January,
a rainy Sunday afternoon.
It feels more like spring,
but I know the spell will break,
and soon we'll return to a snowy winter.
The seasons of life and seasons of the soul
revolves in a familiar pattern
over and over again.
Will it ever change?
Can we ever break free?
What if it is a possibility,
but only for yourself?
Would you like to journey alone
in your liberation,
while others keep cycling
round and round?
Now you're marching along
to the beat of a different drum.
And all you wish for
is an understanding friend,
emptiness your favourite companion.
It's the 24th of January,
a rainy Sunday afternoon.
It feels more like spring,
but I know the spell will break,
and soon we'll return to a snowy winter.
The seasons of life and seasons of the soul
revolves in a familiar pattern
over and over again.
Will it ever change?
Can we ever break free?
What if it is a possibility,
but only for yourself?
Would you like to journey alone
in your liberation,
while others keep cycling
round and round?
Now you're marching along
to the beat of a different drum.
And all you wish for
is an understanding friend,
emptiness your favourite companion.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Weary
I've been feeling quite weary this past week. Frustrated with my friends who seem to be stuck in the same endless cycle of gloom but unable to break free, and trapped myself by the fears of my family who discouraged me from a spontaneous trip to California. How do I live light and freely when all around me people are stuck in various versions of hell? Will I ever be able to throw caution to the wind when those around me value security and safety so much?
Almost every time I have wanted to take a risk and go abroad on my own, my parents have resisted the idea. And as the dutiful Chinese elder daughter, or maybe because of my huge need to please, I've always acquiesced to their desires. But after reading the Toltec teachings of Don Miguel Ruiz and learning that each of us is living in our own dream and that everyone is responsible for their own happiness, I'm starting to ask myself, why am I giving up my dreams to keep my parents happy, when that's not my job to begin with anyway? But still I find myself bound by the rules I've grown up with, because unlearning is quite possibly more difficult than learning something new. I'm longing for kindred spirits of the flesh-and-bones variety on this journey back to the beginning. Love, will you please bring us together? Namaste.
Almost every time I have wanted to take a risk and go abroad on my own, my parents have resisted the idea. And as the dutiful Chinese elder daughter, or maybe because of my huge need to please, I've always acquiesced to their desires. But after reading the Toltec teachings of Don Miguel Ruiz and learning that each of us is living in our own dream and that everyone is responsible for their own happiness, I'm starting to ask myself, why am I giving up my dreams to keep my parents happy, when that's not my job to begin with anyway? But still I find myself bound by the rules I've grown up with, because unlearning is quite possibly more difficult than learning something new. I'm longing for kindred spirits of the flesh-and-bones variety on this journey back to the beginning. Love, will you please bring us together? Namaste.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Forgotten -- Part II
Funny that after writing my poem Forgotten, I feel like it's playing out in my real life. Not that I've been forgotten by everyone, but in the e-mail realm, my inbox has been a ghost town lately. I've been sowing my seeds hoping for something to sprout, but so far, nothing. I feel impatient and want to be higher on my friends' priority list... but they lead busy lives, and maybe I still need to bank more hours before being promoted to a higher position?
And then I wonder, why am I in such a hurry to hear back from people? What's the rush? There's really no need for it, and most people do eventually reply. It's hard to re-train myself to operate at a slower pace, and I'm already a snail compared to most people I know.
If eternity is now and heaven is on earth, why can't I shake off the shakles of time and just enjoy the moment instead of anxiously watching my inbox? But perhaps I need to be more patient with myself, and remember that everything takes practice, even slowing down to a sane speed instead of getting sucked into the vortex of speed in today's society.
And then I wonder, why am I in such a hurry to hear back from people? What's the rush? There's really no need for it, and most people do eventually reply. It's hard to re-train myself to operate at a slower pace, and I'm already a snail compared to most people I know.
If eternity is now and heaven is on earth, why can't I shake off the shakles of time and just enjoy the moment instead of anxiously watching my inbox? But perhaps I need to be more patient with myself, and remember that everything takes practice, even slowing down to a sane speed instead of getting sucked into the vortex of speed in today's society.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Forgotten
My first poem of this decade, spurred on by a printer error that printed the last two lines of Rumi's poem "Disciplines" onto a separate page. They became the first two lines of my new poem below, proving that even a small error/mistake can be turn into a gem with creativity. :)
.
Forgotten
Every day with new
and powerful secrets
dancing in her head,
she pirouettes through life
wondering how to cast her magic.
Awakened,
an amazing place to be.
But not so amusing,
when it seems like
she’s the only
one.
Others have gone before her,
and she treasures their wisdom
and company through the gift of words.
But when will she ever be home
when she’s forgotten the way there?
Thankfully, she’s lost but not forgotten.
The beloved opens a jar of fireflies,
each one lighting every step to Him.
The journey is long and arduous,
but one day she’ll return.
And they’ll embrace and be
one
again.
.
Forgotten
Every day with new
and powerful secrets
dancing in her head,
she pirouettes through life
wondering how to cast her magic.
Awakened,
an amazing place to be.
But not so amusing,
when it seems like
she’s the only
one.
Others have gone before her,
and she treasures their wisdom
and company through the gift of words.
But when will she ever be home
when she’s forgotten the way there?
Thankfully, she’s lost but not forgotten.
The beloved opens a jar of fireflies,
each one lighting every step to Him.
The journey is long and arduous,
but one day she’ll return.
And they’ll embrace and be
one
again.
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010: The Year of Happiness
Sorry for my lack of postings since July 2009! I'm still alive and well and wrote a bunch more new poetry from then til now... just that Facebook and MySpace took most of my attention. But this winter I'm taking a hibernation from those two websites, which means more regular posts here! :) And probably belated postings of the poems I wrote last year as well.
I opened my e-mail today and discovered that there was a new meetup group in Toronto called the "I Am Happy Project". It's kind of like the Optimist Evolution idea that Cathy and I came up with last summer, but under a different name. Life always seems to be on one step ahead of me in terms of bringing ideas to fruition, but it's all good, as long as someone is carrying out the work already.
There was an interesting quote on their main website (http://www.iamhappyproject.org/), which said that "According to Researchers from Harvard Medical School and the University of California, San Diego:
“When an individual becomes happy, the network effect can be measured up to three degrees. One person’s happiness triggers a chain reaction that benefits not only his friends, but his friends’ friends, and his friends’ friends’ friends. The effect lasts for up to one year.”
Happiness is potent stuff! For myself, consistent happiness became more of a reality in 2009, and I do see that my joy seem to rub off on others, and bring more cheer into their lives as well. What you give is what you get, as they say, and there's plenty of love and goodness to go all around.
So I heartily support the project's goal to "declare 2010 as The Year of Happiness"! May love, joy, hope and happiness abound throughout your life, with 2010 as the start of a beautiful transformation within you and into the world.
I opened my e-mail today and discovered that there was a new meetup group in Toronto called the "I Am Happy Project". It's kind of like the Optimist Evolution idea that Cathy and I came up with last summer, but under a different name. Life always seems to be on one step ahead of me in terms of bringing ideas to fruition, but it's all good, as long as someone is carrying out the work already.
There was an interesting quote on their main website (http://www.iamhappyproject.org/), which said that "According to Researchers from Harvard Medical School and the University of California, San Diego:
“When an individual becomes happy, the network effect can be measured up to three degrees. One person’s happiness triggers a chain reaction that benefits not only his friends, but his friends’ friends, and his friends’ friends’ friends. The effect lasts for up to one year.”
Happiness is potent stuff! For myself, consistent happiness became more of a reality in 2009, and I do see that my joy seem to rub off on others, and bring more cheer into their lives as well. What you give is what you get, as they say, and there's plenty of love and goodness to go all around.
So I heartily support the project's goal to "declare 2010 as The Year of Happiness"! May love, joy, hope and happiness abound throughout your life, with 2010 as the start of a beautiful transformation within you and into the world.
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