Weary

I've been feeling quite weary this past week. Frustrated with my friends who seem to be stuck in the same endless cycle of gloom but unable to break free, and trapped myself by the fears of my family who discouraged me from a spontaneous trip to California. How do I live light and freely when all around me people are stuck in various versions of hell? Will I ever be able to throw caution to the wind when those around me value security and safety so much?

Almost every time I have wanted to take a risk and go abroad on my own, my parents have resisted the idea. And as the dutiful Chinese elder daughter, or maybe because of my huge need to please, I've always acquiesced to their desires. But after reading the Toltec teachings of Don Miguel Ruiz and learning that each of us is living in our own dream and that everyone is responsible for their own happiness, I'm starting to ask myself, why am I giving up my dreams to keep my parents happy, when that's not my job to begin with anyway? But still I find myself bound by the rules I've grown up with, because unlearning is quite possibly more difficult than learning something new. I'm longing for kindred spirits of the flesh-and-bones variety on this journey back to the beginning. Love, will you please bring us together? Namaste.